I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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