I puked a lego.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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