dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
