I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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