Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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