Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
