okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize