Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
