I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
