my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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