I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
