Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize