dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
