i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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