my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
