I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
