why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
