i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
