i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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