I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
