Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
