his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
