You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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