some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
