My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize