and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
