It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
