i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize