It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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