You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
