Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
