she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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