im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
