Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
how drunk are you?
Several
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
