Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
