shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
