can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
