So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
