Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
