well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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