Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
