I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
