we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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