im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
