Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
pray to the hookup gods
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
