okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
