They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
