She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
