there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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