I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
