wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
