Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My life is pants optional.
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