i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
