Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
