My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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