1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
