At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
