im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
