Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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