Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
