I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
