He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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