why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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