I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
