fuck your aforementioned shoe
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
