no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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