i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
