Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
