so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
